Be still my heart

I have waited my whole life for this.

'Words will never hurt me..'

In my house growing up we were allowed to say things like, "stupid" or "shut up."

Last night we took our short 5 minute walk to a nearby park so the girls could play and my husband could run the track.

The girls were having fun playing and were amongst lots of older kids that were playing their version of 'tag' but it really looked like 'war.' They never really get phased when older kids play around them, as I'm sure the older ones always look out for them and don't knock them down.

As I was calling for them to come down off this high, pretend climbing rock, these three little boys that couldn't of been more than 6 years old, were chanting "shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up....." over and over again, at the entrance/exit of the rock thing. I don't think the girls knew who they were talking to and neither did I until all three boys blocked the entrance. They just continued with their chant as I was demanding that the girls come down.
In our household like mine growing up, the girls have been taught that we don't say "shut up" or "oh my gosh" ('gosh' leading to saying God's name in vain), and other tiny things.

And last night, watching Ava and Emma just stare at those boys chanting their silly chant, I watched my girls innocence slip away. While Ava kept saying, "we don't say, 'shut up!'" I know they are gunna start school and say things I wouldn't dream of my angels saying.

But I wonder, am I setting them up for embarassment or disappointment that their mama taught them silly rules that I was taught. What do you think?

It does sing true when you say, "sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me." BUT, I did make a point of telling the girls during the motion of this episode in front of these little guys that boys tease and say such things when they like girls. These boys were little 4 year old bullies. Bullies I wanted to smack.

I know this is a tiny, little episode and it is/gets much worse, but it made me realize to really enjoy, embrace and adore these years. They are so sweet and innocent and loving. As much as I want to keep them under my wings, protected from these things, it is good for them. Coddling them will do them no good.

High as a kite

I never want to see my kids in pain. I also never want to see my kids high.

Well, both of those happened today.

The girls had dentist appointments today. Ava had two cavities to be filled and Emma just had a cleaning.

We had been anticipating this appointment for months with Ava. Two dentists told us she needed conscious sedation. That costs $200 and is not covered by insurance. We had a horrific expedience with the first dentist who kept the girls in the cleaning room without me and who was going to tie down my kid.

We go to an excellent dentist now where we used to live, which is about a 30-45 minute drive from our house. He's smart, nice and firm in his beliefs and knowledge.

Seeing Ava on this medication was awful. I know it's silly to say that because there are many other ways it could be worse. She was as high as a kite. I know she wouldn't be able to go through the filings with just the laughing gas, and I was prepared for how she would react to it. But a mother's love is strong and you want to be in control and keep them safe. And I knew she needed these filings to keep her healthy. But I wasn't ready to see her giggling at the ceiling, her eyes glossy, or seeing her so relaxed that she couldn't walk or stand up straight.

After the procedure she was still pretty loopy. Important thing was to not let her chew her lip and try to get her to stay still. And after some smoothies and a little soft foods, she was acting a little better, except for being fussy and clumpsy.

But I tell ya, she's a rockstar. After a long two hour nap (rare rare occurance) she was up and about. Playing, trying to ride her bike, hungry and fighting with her sister. (Although, she was trying to ride her bike after we got home. ;) )

Kids really teach you a lot about life and how much stronger than they are, or how strong you really are.

Purses, oh my!

While shopping with daddy for his work shoes, Ava and I got to do some window shopping ourselves (Emma was in the truck napping with Papa Abuelo).
She's a natural, huh?!

Ballet is expensive

Ballet is expensive if your child only goes in during the actual ballet part. Not the first half during the tap part.

I know. I get her point. Ballet is much more her. She can do the hokey pokey anytime she wants! And she has it. She has the grace and poise for ballet. She listens attentively and is beautiful when she goes in to dance.

So help me. This lovely little three year old is very excited when it is ballet day. She chats it up with her teacher before class, but when it is time to go into class with her classmates she freezes and 'is shy.' I tend to have a lot of patience on these days, but it is getting old and the bribery of candy or treats isn't doing the trick.

Although today during Emma's potty break which was 5 minutes into her shyness, the crying/deep breaths/calming/'this class is expensive' crap I was saying ... She snapped out of it and went in!

Now you may say this is normal for new dancers, but we've beenn this class since June.

What do you do when your little dancer freezes up? We can't continue to keep going with me job-less if she continues doing this and we gotta keep going because I already bought the $60+ leotard outfit for the recital in June!

'Where's the Love?' Wednesday ... a NICU graduation

This past weekend I attended a NICU graduation event at the hospital that Ava was born at and spent most of the first five weeks (minus a week and a half that was spent at another hospital in the same network) of her life. This event is one of the most wonderful events I've attended and has been our second time. The first event we attended, Emma was just two and a half months old, making Ava just14 and a half months old. So we didn't get to play the games, get our hair braided, etc.

Happy 'adjusted age' birthday, Ava!

Today is Sept. 19. This was Ava's due date. As you know, she was born early at only 32 weeks and 2.5 days. Sept. 19 will forever be ingrained into my mind as every doctor, physical therapy and NICU follow-up always brings it up.

Luckily, our girl is perfect and you'd never know how frightening the first few weeks of her life were.

And... If the girls REALLY hate sharing their birthday, Ava can always have today.

How do you say: 'you were born very early' to a 3-year-old?

The girls and I were sitting one night on the couch looking at pictures. Pictures of birthday parties, pictures of their Nana, pictures of Emma as a baby, pictures of Lucy and Sabath, and pictures of Ava as a baby.

Ava became very upset about her baby pictures. She was sort of afraid (for a split second) about the NICU pictures we have of her. She didn't like them. She said "noo, mommy! That's not baby Ava, that another baby." I wasn't sure of what to say, in the proper wording so I wouldn't freak her out.

I told her that she was born so very little and that she had to be kept in the hospital so that she could grow and grow and grow. That she needed the bandaid on her face so she could eat through her eating tube.

Right there, "No mommy! That's not baby Ava. This is baby Ava" (pointing to a picture of baby Emma).

I'm wondering, what are the right things to say and explain about just how special she was and still is, to a 3-year-old?!

'Where's the Love?' Wednesday - Happy Birthday, my girls!

Today is a big day! As it will be for the rest of my life. It is the day that I said hello to my first born, Ava, the one that made me a mommy -- and it's also the day I said hello to my second born, Emma, the one that made me a mommy again!

My "Where's the Love?" Wednesday is just that. The date. July 27. The love in that date has so much happiness, love, kisses, hugs, balloons and lots and lots and lots of cake! It also shares a lot of memories of the two, very different, yet very traumatic delivers that I gave over the course of just ONE YEAR. In case you missed it, read about Ava's delivery here and here; and  Emma's delivery here and here. Geez, I really like to keep the suspense, now don't I?

Today we will celebrate with birthday presents from us, cupcakes, balloons upon waking up and a fun filled day. Along with lots of things to cross off our do-to list for their birthday party on Saturday. We sing 'Happy Birthday' to each of them separately with separate cakes/cupcakes. And we will celebrate another healthy year has past and the two differences between our girls --- just one year, two hours and 18 minutes.

"Where's the Love?" Wednesday is an opportunity to share where your love is each week. It can be fun, lighthearted, deep and meaningful or a little of both. It can be one thing or many things. It may even be one simple photograph to capture where you're feeling the love.

Follow along at Akers of Love "Where's the Love?" here too.

Let the plie's begin!

We got our class list. Bought the supplies. And today was the day!

The girls started ballet! I have waited my WHOLE life for this and it made all of my wishes for this day come true!

Here are my little ballerinas and their friends with teacher Miss Claire (who I think I adore just as much as they do!). They are dancing with Tiffany's Dance Academy here locally in the Bay Area.

The one photo I was able to get before my phone died!

Ava sayings

My husband takes the girls to Super Franks which is an indoor-child's dream world. Bounce houses, slides, bikes, play kitchen, balls, circle times, crayons, etc.

Well, a bully little girl was bugging Emma and wouldn't leave her alone. She went to pick Emma up and this is how Ava proves her big sister status:

"Put down my sister Emma!"
(pushes little girl and divides Emma away from the girl)
"NOW!"
(with her hand palmed faced out)
"STOP! Leave my Emma alone!!!"

No exaggeration here. Seriously. This is a perk of having kids so close together. The oldest one that is not even two yet, is sticking up for her almost two-year-old sister.

'Best friend for me'

Mommy: Who's your best friend? Ayla? Abi? Leah?
Ava: Mommys my best friend for me.
Mommy: Awww.. I'm your best friend??!!
Ava: Yes! And my Emma is best friend for me.

This my friends is my most favorite sentence ever in the history of time (so far)!

'TOO much'

Ava is talking up a storm and I love it. Well she has been and I've been loving it.

Lately, she'll respond with this:

Mommy: I love you, Ava!

Ava: I love you, Mommy! I love you TOO much!!!

Reminders

My girls are the best. Especially when they start talking and remind me about what we need at the grocery store.

We were on our way this afternoon to Safeway to pick up dinner and milk, and Ava says "Mommy, I need my vinnamins. We need MORE!"

Thanks Ava!!! I would of forgotten that, as well as the cat food, wipes and paper towels. :)

Random photos

Since I love reading blogs, especially ones with photos, I decided that since the last few posts had zero pictures-- I would make a random photos post!

These are from my work computer.... so they have no rhyme or reason, but must be some of my faves!

My babies dressed up as a loaf of Wonderbread (Emma) and a leopard (Ava) in 2009

Cake

Cake! Birthday cake in particular. Is the reason why you go to a party right? The food is always nice, but the cake. The cake is the best!

We went to a birthday party last weekend and due to car issues, had to leave early to get them checked out. Well we missed the cake and Ava noticed. She's my daughter-- completely!

So the last two nights they have enjoyed sharing a slice of white cake with multi-colored sprinkles from Raley's. Just to make up for it. Because I know how important birthday cake is. :)

Music babies.

My dad's side of the family is very musical. He plays the drums and played the trumpet in high school. Each one of my brother and sister and I played an instrument in middle school. My girls have that. They have the musical ear and they have the beat down for groovin'.

Happy love day!

Happy Valentine's Day everyone! No special post, except the fact that I have been wearing a special token from my Ava. Introducing my first-ever piece of hand-made jewelry from one of my little girls: a Valentine's Day inspired pipe cleaner bracelet.

I have been grinning ear-to-ear all day long, as a proud mama should!

Look at her grow..

Here are the photos that go with the previous posts about Ava's miracle story of her birth (after the jump!)

32 weeks is a big deal... continued

The moment I saw my baby girl in the NICU was unexplainable. The first time I saw her was when she was delivered and that was a split moment. But seeing her for the first time... it was the weirdest feeling. I felt guilty, I felt sad, I felt angry at myself and I felt... no words can explain how I felt.